i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
