i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
