Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
