sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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