At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
