Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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