Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
