he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
