how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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