I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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