I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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