you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
