Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
