P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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