Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
