apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
