You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
