I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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