i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
