I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
