i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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