another moral hangover. fuck.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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