you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
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