did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
