Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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