areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
this beer tastes like vomit already
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm at about main and main street
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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