This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
