She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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