Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize