Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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