im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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