ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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