hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
