I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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