There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
