I feel great
I just peed on a car
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.