i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My Higher Power is John Stamos
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex