A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i only shaved half my leg
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.