Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"