...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time