her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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