three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
