I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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