I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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