Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
