Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
