Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
