My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I need moral support for this bender
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
