i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
