So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
