We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
