Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Apparently you make a good broom.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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