before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize