i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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