singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i think i have herpe
just one?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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