Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
