I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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