I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My vagina just clenched in fear
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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