Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
