It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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