When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
