I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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